


Sating Her Needs

by AntalyaLace



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-15
Updated: 2012-02-15
Packaged: 2017-10-31 06:20:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/340891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntalyaLace/pseuds/AntalyaLace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the time Marian Hawke's magic first appeared when she was a little girl, she had been taught to always be in control.  When things go wrong on her missions and one of her companions gets injured, she needs a little help in dealing with her emotional responses. Knight-Captain Cullen is always willing to assist.</p>
<p>This takes place late in Act III, shortly before the Chantry is destroyed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sating Her Needs

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This began as a fill for the kinkmeme for a submissive Cullen. However, he refused to stay submissive for long, and it morphed into more of a hurt-comfort story by the end. There are some elements of dominance, especially in the first part of the story, but I wasn't sure it was fair to mark it as dom/sub. 
> 
> A heartfelt thanks to moon_watcher99 for the beta. Any remaining errors are all mine.

Cullen stood in his usual position by the steps leading to the mage quarters. He had to admit it was a nicely tactical split of his and the knight-commander's duty posts. She worked in her office in Templar Hall, and standing here, he could watch the mages come and go and still keep his eye on anyone who came through the Gallows' gates as well. There were days, however, when he envied Meredith her chair.

His gaze turned toward the gates, and he couldn't stop the flash of excitement that went through him when he saw a familiar figure enter the courtyard. He was careful not to let his eyes linger on her too long, but he kept her in view in the periphery of his vision. He knew she wouldn't approach him without cause but just being able to see her was a treat he wasn't going to deny himself.

Cullen and Marian had been lovers for years, but it was a secret they didn't dare reveal. The knight-commander overlooked Marian's magic because of her service to the city, but she would never countenance a mage and a templar together. It amazed Cullen that Marian would take the risks she did just to be with him. If Meredith ever found out about the two of them, she would have Marian immediately locked up in the Gallows, Champion of Kirkwall or not. As much as Cullen wanted to boldly claim her as his own, Marian's safety was more important to him, and so they played this damn game of strangers in public and loved in private. 

He pretended not to watch her, but he kept track of Marian's movements as she first headed toward the mage's market and then returned to the courtyard and accompanied her companions to the armor shop. Cullen didn't like what he saw. He could tell just by the way she carried herself that something was wrong. The tension in her carriage sent warning bells ringing through his head. He wondered what had happened and who it was this time. Cullen spared a glance for her companions. Today she was accompanied by the lyrium elf, the guard captain, and the pirate queen. That left the healer, the dwarf, the prince, or the Dalish apostate as the possibilities. Of course, Cullen didn't actually know Marian's companions, but from their time together and her talking about them, he often felt as if he did. 

He saw her turn towards him as if she was idly passing time waiting for her three companions who inspected the merchandise in front of them. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her lips move, and then her words were magically carried to his ears only.

"Tonight. I need you."

Cullen let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding and turned away from Marian so he faced into the courtyard. It was their signal for yes. If he had turned toward the outer walls of the Gallows, it would have meant he couldn't make it. He would have to shuffle one or two things on his schedule, but there was no way he would pass up the chance to be with his Marian, especially with the warning his instincts were giving him. 

"Don't let me down." The whisper of those words seemed to wrap around him, and a shiver went down his spine. Cullen knew only too well what they portended for the night ahead.

 

* * *

 

Cullen stood in the shadows outside the Hawke estate impatiently waiting for the street to be empty so he could approach Marian's door without being observed. With his thoughts full of her, the rest of the day had seemed to drag, and he couldn't wait to be inside. Finally, seeing his chance, he darted to the door. It opened soundlessly at his touch, and Cullen quickly entered and shut it behind him. 

The mansion was quiet, and there was a little light in the entryway from the fire that was always kept burning in the main downstairs room. He knew Marian would have given Bodahn and the rest of the servants the night off, and they would have the house to themselves. Cullen began to undress. He hadn't worn his armor and was clad only in a casual shirt, trousers, socks, and boots. He removed everything but his trousers, folding and neatly stacking his attire by the door. On bare feet, he then padded into the other room. Seeing Marian seated in a chair in front of the fire, he realized that he had read her correctly. She was dressed in a leather bustier, a skirt so short it would be indecent outside the house, and a pair of tall boots. Marin kept her gaze on the fire and didn't move or speak as he entered the room, and he was as quiet as she was. He gave her body one admiring caress with his eyes before lowering them without looking into her face. 

With a respectful air, he took his place at the side of her chair lowering his body to the floor. He cast his gaze onto the fire and proceeded to wait. This was always hard for him. After their separations, Cullen wanted to touch her, to feel her soft skin beneath his hands and lips, but tonight he was hers and nothing would happen until she decreed it so. 

It seemed she made him wait forever, and the tension in his body continued to build as the craving for that first touch grew and grew. Finally, when he thought he couldn't bear it any more, she lightly laid her hand on his head. Cullen let his breath out as a shudder passed through him, but he didn't move other than that. Anticipation raced through him as his desire for the woman in the chair became almost overwhelming. Her fingers began to lightly scratch through his hair, and his eyelids drifted closed as he reveled in the contact. 

He wasn't sure how long they sat there like that, both of them silent, but eventually Marian was ready for more. With an almost cruel tug on his hair, she adjusted her position in the chair, shifting her hips forward and splaying her legs lewdly as the skirt fell away from her hips. At the same time, she pulled his face to her crotch by his hair. Cullen displayed no resistance and allowed her to move him as she wished, and he ended with his nose buried in the sweet pussy of the Champion of Kirkwall. Her scent was so strong he knew she was already wet and slick, and his body reacted purely in instinct. His cock throbbed and pulsed with want, but he did his best to ignore the demands of his own body. 

Marian didn't have to speak. It was obvious what she wanted, and he was more than eager to give it to her. His tongue moved over her flesh, first laving her clit over and over and then flicking rapidly in and out of her body. Cullen loved the taste of her, and he knew as wet as she was it wouldn't take long for her to come. Her hips ground in rhythm with his tongue and her fingers tangled painfully in his hair, but Cullen didn't care. Familiarity with her body allowed him to tease all the places that would drive her to satisfaction, and when Marian's single harsh cry broke the silence in the mansion, Cullen felt her spasms beneath his touch. 

He stayed between her legs even once her tremors had stilled as he tried to ignore his own need for release. Her grip softened on his hair, and as he turned his head to lay it in her lap, she began to lightly stroke the side of his face. He knew with that first orgasm the hard edge within her would begin to soften, but she would still need more from him. 

Cullen lay motionless under her hand and allowed her to pet him as she wished. It took more effort than he would be willing to admit to anyone for him to lie so still. Her scent combined with the feel of Marian's skin against his was a constant temptation to Cullen, and he ached to break out of the role he was expected to play. Only the discipline he had learned from years in the order gave him the strength to resist. 

Marian's voice was full of quiet authority when she eventually spoke as she withdrew her hand from him. "Stand by the fireplace."

Cullen obediently rose and took an easy position between Marian in the chair and the fireplace at his back keeping a safe distance between him and the flames. Her eyes traveled over his body like he was a feast laid out just for her, and Cullen acknowledged wryly to himself that perhaps that's exactly what he was. He wasn't embarrassed by her looking at him; he and Marian had been together too long for that. Cullen knew he had a nice body, and he wasn't ashamed of that fact. 

"Lose the trousers." 

Cullen kept his eyes on her as his hands went to the laces at his waist. He loosened them and then slowly pushed the trousers down his legs and took one step to the side allowing them to fall to the floor. Knowing what was in store for him, Cullen hadn't worn any smallclothes when he left the Gallows, so as he stood naked before her, his cock jutted proudly from his body in obvious arousal. He allowed his hands to fall to his sides as he waited for whatever Marian would command next. 

He watched as her eyes went to his pelvis and she swallowed noisily. Cullen enjoyed the fact that she could be so affected just by the sight of him. Marian pushed herself up and out of the chair, and it was his turn to catch his breath. He knew from times she had worn it before that the bustier cinched her waist down to a size that he would easily be able to wrap his hands around. Her already full breasts seemed to be threatening to spill forth any moment from the low cut of the leather as she moved. Cullen felt as though all the blood in his body rushed straight to his groin, and he squeezed his right hand into a fist and stifled the groan of frustrated desire that tried to escape him.

Marian's lips twisted in a knowing smile at his reaction to her. She met his gaze with a sultry look and strode from the chair to stand directly in front of him, close enough to touch. Cullen tore his eyes from hers and dropped them to the floor. As he stood before Marian, it felt as if his whole body burned with want for her, and he frantically fought the urge to reach out and take what he so desperately desired. Cullen had to remind himself that tonight the taking was up to Marian. 

He jerked beneath her touch as she lifted a hand and trailed a finger across his upper chest, but he forced himself to stillness once again. Marian began to circle him, and Cullen shut his eyes concentrating only on the need to stand passive before her. His breathing was loud and harsh in his ears. His heart pounded and a light sweat broke out across his body as he waited for her to touch him again. When her fingers ran across the curve of his ass, a moan escaped from low in his throat. He felt her continue her slow circle and come back around to face him once again. Cullen gasped loudly and his eyes flew open wide as she grasped him firmly at the base of his shaft and gave him one long slow stroke along the entire length of his cock. His knees almost buckled as he fought with everything he had not to spill himself into the hand that held him captive. 

"Please." The word was torn from him, and Cullen wasn't sure if he was begging for her to stop or to finish him right there. He felt as if he was at the very limits of his control, and if she stroked him even one more time, he wouldn't be able to stop his climax. 

The pressure against his cock disappeared as she removed her hand brushing against his head as she did so. When she brought her fingers to her lips to taste the drops of precum she had dislodged from him, Cullen had to look away. His mind filled with thoughts of other nights they had been together and how he had pressed his cock deep into the heat of her mouth. All the muscles in his groin clenched at the memory, and he hurriedly tried to think of something else to distract him. 

"Well, I think someone needs a timeout. We certainly wouldn't want our fun to end prematurely, would we?"

"No," Cullen said with gritted teeth, although in that moment he certainly wouldn't have minded.

"No?" Her eyebrow rose and she crossed her arms under her breasts in displeasure and waited for a response from him. He wasn't sure if she did it on purpose or not, but it pushed them even higher, sending another flash of desire through him.

He knew what she wanted to hear. Both of them were well aware that submission wasn't Cullen's natural inclination, although he certainly enjoyed the physical aspects of Marian's game. It was only because of his love for her that he allowed her will to supersede his own. It was quite possible that someday she would push him farther than he was willing to go, but it wouldn't be tonight. He dropped his head almost meekly, before replying, "No… Mistress." 

"See, that wasn't so hard." Cullen could hear the satisfaction in her voice. "And as a reward, I'm going to give you three minutes to get yourself back under control." She turned and walked back toward the chair while Cullen watched the flash of her ass from under the skirt as she moved. Marian turned to sit down and noticed him watching her. "You'd better use those minutes well, Knight-Captain," she said, almost mockingly. 

Cullen quickly shut his eyes and brought up the memory of jumping into the cold waters of Lake Calenhad on an early spring day followed by trying to imagine what would happen if Meredith ever discovered the relationship between him and Marian. By the end of his allotted three minutes, his ardor had cooled significantly. He opened his eyes to see Marian watching him. She didn't bother trying to hide exactly how much she enjoyed having him under her control. 

Her eyes met his before she gave her next command. "Go to the table. Assume your position." 

"Yes, Mistress." 

The words were easier to say the second time, and he docilely approached the low table that was in the corner of the room near where her writing desk used to sit. It was an ugly thing really, not matching the beauty and grace of the other pieces that adorned her mansion. Marian had told him of the running battle she had going on with Bodahn over it. He tried to find reasons to get rid of it, but Marian would just smile and refuse each of his attempts to convince her. It had taken her months to find something that worked so well for her needs. On other visits to the mansion it had been covered and sported a vase or two of flowers, but tonight it was bare.

Cullen hesitated just the slightest bit as he stood before the table. It was only for Marian that he would even consider doing this. He turned so his back was to it and lowered himself, sitting with his ass just at the edge. He lay down flat on his back and gripped the table's edge with his hands. 

Marian had followed him and now placed one hand lightly against one of his knees. "Open your legs wider."

Cullen adjusted himself as she wished and then met her eyes as she walked between his legs and stood directly over him. For a few moments all she did was stand there and gaze down at him, and Cullen could only wait for her to touch him. His cock lay against his stomach and he could feel himself growing fully erect once again. It seemed like a long time before Marian reached out with one hand to run her fingers up his legs to his torso. All the muscles in his lower body clenched in reaction, and he tightened his grip on the table edge. 

"Maker, you have the most perfect body." Marian leaned forward to run her hands over the muscles of his chest and arms. 

Cullen closed his eyes and rolled his head backwards. He couldn't deny how he loved the feel of her hands running over him. In this position, he felt totally exposed and vulnerable to her. When Marian pressed her lips lightly against the skin of his chest, desire raced through him at her touch, and his lower body gyrated toward her. He let out a low moan when she tongued one of his nipples before moving up to nuzzle the skin of his neck. 

"Mine, my templar, aren't you?"

He was lost in the sensations as she explored his body and didn't answer her. She grasped his cock and stroked him gently while at the same time her other hand surrounded his balls. Marian squeezed his sac just enough that pain flared between his legs. He gave a small cry as his hips jerked toward her in an effort to reduce the pressure. Cullen dropped his chin and opened his eyes to look at her. Marian certainly knew how to get his attention. 

"Aren't you?" she asked again, more pointedly this time as her hand began to tighten around him once again. 

"Yes," he managed to gasp out, and it was truer than she realized. When Cullen had first arrived in Kirkwall fresh from Ferelden, he'd still been a broken man from the events that had happened at the Circle Tower during the Blight. Cullen had accepted the position offered to him here as Meredith's second hoping for a new start within the order that he had once loved so much. But as time passed, he became even more troubled by the conditions in the Gallows and most especially the knight-commander herself. It had only been Marian and her love for him that had made Cullen whole once again.

Marian released his genitals and then wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him up so he was in a sitting position. Cullen allowed her to place him as she wanted, but kept his hold on the table's edge. Marian leaned over him and planted her mouth on his. Her hands came up to cup both sides of his face as Cullen allowed her to control the kiss. Her tongue plunged into his mouth aggressively, and she spent some time plundering him before she lifted her head. By the time she released his lips, his senses were in a whirl, and it felt as if his entire body pulsed in time to his heartbeat. Looking into the heavy-lidded gaze of Marian's blue eyes, Cullen could see she had been affected as much as he had and was fighting her own desire.

Cullen's heart skipped a beat as Marian climbed on top of him, and a thrill went through his whole body. She put her legs over his hips, and he allowed her to push him flat against the table again so she could kneel above him. She grasped his cock and lined herself up over him and then froze looking down at him. He could feel just the very edge of his head touching her and that small bit of contact was enough to send heat through his entire body. Cullen knew that she would tease him mercilessly, stoking his desire, and then backing off until he thought he would explode. He hated this game… and loved it at the same time. 

Marian smiled down at him with a hint of deviltry in her eyes. Cullen's breath sped up as she lowered herself, watching him all the while. She took her time, allowing him to penetrate her by just fractions of an inch at a time. She paused past the head of his cock and began to work herself against the sensitive skin just below it. Oh so slowly, she slid up and down just on the head of his cock, and Cullen squeezed his hands so tightly he wondered if he left gouges in the table's edge from his fingers. He fought the urge to lift his hips and impale her on his hardened flesh as his eyes drifted closed once again. Cullen could have almost cried when Marian froze with him only partway inside her, and a muffled exclamation escaped him. His body trembled with frustration, and all he wanted to do was grab Marian and roll her under him so he could take _her_. 

He felt her breath on his cheek as she leaned forward onto her elbows and asked in a teasing voice, "Um, somebody's close, aren't they?"

Cullen took a moment to answer her. Having her this near and not being able to freely touch her was driving him insane. He wanted to pull the leather from her body and fill his hands and mouth with her breasts. "Yes," he finally admitted. He consciously loosened his grip on the table and tried to exert some control. Now, that Marian wasn't creating those distracting sensations and was still, he could start to collect himself a little bit. 

"You will be a good boy and only come when I tell you." 

"I'll try." It was all he could honestly promise her. 

"Try hard."

Every muscle in his body tightened and his hips jerked instinctively when Marian suddenly pressed downward, burying his cock deep within her. "Fuck!"

"That's what I'm doing to you. Keep your hips still." 

She put her hands on his chest to help balance herself and then she began to truly ride him. The feel of her sliding up and down his cock over and over without him being able to move and assist was maddening. He wanted to put his hands around her hips and thrust in counterpoint to her.

Marian varied the motion of her body, sometimes moving fast, other times slow, and Cullen never knew what to expect. As he lay below her, he watched her body move over him. He loved the expression of abandon she wore as she took exactly what she wanted. Marian's eyes were closed, but the muscles in her face worked as she would give a little gasp when his cock rubbed an especially sensitive area inside her. She was so hot and wet, and his pleasure built so deliciously, it was impossible for him to stay still. Cullen rocked to her rhythm, but never allowed his hips to leave the table.

All too soon he felt the tightening of his balls and the pressure behind them that signalled his impending orgasm. "I can't—Maker, Mar—" he choked off her name. It was an unspoken rule that names would not be used between them during these times. 

Marian instantly froze and slid a hand down from his chest to put pressure against his lower abdomen and hold his pelvis still. "Not yet, wait." 

Her voice was strained, and looking into her flushed face, Cullen could see she was almost as close as he was. The need to _move_ and chase that last bit of sensation that would send him over the edge was so damn strong he could hardly make himself lie still, but from somewhere deep inside himself he managed to find the discipline to lie unmoving as Marian wished. 

The only noise in the room was the crackle of the fire and the sounds of their panting as they each tried to catch their breath and allow the excitement they felt to recede some. After a few moments, Marian leaned forward a little and caused him to emit a small groan as her body shifted against the oh-so-sensitive skin of his cock. She reached out a hand and gently laid it against his cheek. He turned his head slightly so he could feel her palm more firmly against his face.

"I love how you look right now, so damn sexy and utterly _mine_." As Marian said the last word she dropped her hand from his face and clenched her internal muscles, and Cullen made an involuntary exclamation as the constriction he felt sent his heart racing.

"Move!" Marian slid up his cock, all the way to the head. 

Cullen's relief at being allowed to finally actively participate was soon overridden by the sensations of Marian surrounding him. The sight and scent of her was driving him past all endurance, and he let go of the table and moved his hands to her hips. As she slid down him once again, he pushed upward to meet her. Marian threw her head back as he drove himself as deep into her as he could. She rose again and plunged back down as his body rose. As she pushed back up for a third stroke, Marian gave an inarticulate cry and Cullen felt the walls of her cunt clamp against him. There was an immediate increase in the pressure he felt in his balls, and Cullen hovered on the edge between pleasure and pain as his body demanded release and his mind fought to stop it.

Marian dropped her chin to look down at him as her body milked his cock for every bit of pleasure she could get. "Come now!" 

Without hesitation, Cullen snapped his hips, releasing the mental restraint he had placed on his body. His muscles tightened as with one more stroke he reached his peak. He made a strangled sound as he gritted his teeth and rode the waves of pleasure that broke over him. His fingers dug into Marian's hips as he gripped her tightly.

His spasms weren't over before Marian leaned forward and collapsed against his chest. Cullen ran his hands up from her hips to wrap around her shoulders and waist as she lay against him. He only wished she was naked and he could feel her skin against his. Marian moved only enough to snuggle into a comfortable position in the hollow below his clavicle and then was still. They laid there quietly for a bit as they both cooled down and got their breath back. He idly ran the fingers of one hand through Marian's shoulder-length black hair, and Cullen mourned the loss of their joining when he slipped free from her body. 

When Marian spoke again the commanding tone was gone from her voice, and she sounded almost child-like. "Take me to bed, Cullen."

He squeezed her gently in a hug before dropping a kiss on the top of her head, and then he slowly started to sit up. As he moved, Marian shifted her body sideways while keeping her face buried against him. He slid his arm beneath her knees and kept his one arm at her shoulders and back so she was cradled in his arms. As Cullen rose from the table, one of her arms went around his back and the other reached up to wind itself around his neck. 

Cullen carried her easily up the steps being careful not to bump her into anything. He walked into her bedroom and gently deposited her on the bed. He left her to throw a few pieces of wood on the fire that burned in her bedroom, and when he turned back to the bed, Marian was lying on her stomach with her face turned away from him. 

Cullen approached the bed again and picked up one of her legs so it bent at the knee with her foot and upper leg in the air. Without a word, he loosened the laces on the boot and removed it before lying it back down and repeating the procedure with the other one. He then gently tugged on the barely there skirt she was wearing. Marian lifted her hips and allowed him to pull the skirt down and off. Next, he began undoing the laces on the back of the bustier. He had often wondered just who helped her get into the thing, but he enjoyed the mystery more than he would the answer, so he had never asked. Again, Marian lifted herself from the bed just enough so he could pull the leather from her body. Cullen spared a moment to admire the view he had of her naked back and ass. He wanted to drag his hands down the sweep of her back and squeeze her butt cheeks in his hands, but he restrained himself. 

Now that she was as naked as he was, Cullen eased into bed beside her. He reached out with his arms, and Marian snuggled against him, blindly seeking comfort. Cullen held her close against his chest once again and stroked her head. He could almost feel her unhappiness.

"Tell me." It was a request and all he needed to say. 

She was silent for a minute or so, but Cullen waited patiently. He knew she would tell him when she was ready.

"It's Sebastian." Her voice broke on his name, but she continued on in a rush. "He was hurt up on Sundermount. We went up to help Merrill, and it all went wrong. We had to fight her whole clan. It was awful, Cullen."

He tightened his arms around her trying to offer what comfort he could. Cullen kept softly stroking her hair.

Another moment or two passed before words burst from her. "It was my fault! I shouldn't have taken him."

Cullen pushed himself away from her so he could look down and meet her gaze. He brought one of his hands up and laid his fingers across her lips to silence her before she could speak again. The first few times this had happened, Cullen had allowed Marian to get herself so wound up it had taken an hour to calm her down. He had since learned it was better to stop her before her self-recriminations went too far. 

"Where is Sebastian now?" He lifted his hand so she could answer him. 

"He's at Anders' clinic."

"And what does Anders say about his condition?" Cullen already knew that the man must not be seriously injured or Marian would never have left the clinic.

"He needs a few days' rest." 

"And then he will be fine?" 

Her eyes dropped away from his as she lowered her chin, and her hair fell across her face, shielding her from his view. "Yes." The word was barely loud enough for him to hear. 

Cullen rolled the two of them so that Marian was underneath him. He was careful to keep the majority of his weight on his elbows and knees so he didn't crush her. In this position, she had no choice but to look at him as he held himself directly over her. 

"Now, the way I see it we have two choices here. I can repeat all the things I've said before," he paused there and dropped his head to nuzzle her neck below her ear. He both felt and heard her indrawn breath, and then she tilted her head to give him better access. He raised his mouth the slightest bit so his breath would play along her skin as he spoke again. "Or since it's been over three weeks since I've had the chance to hold you like this, we can spend our time doing other things."

Cullen pressed his lips to her skin once again knowing the exact areas where she was sensitive. He brought one of his hands up to cup her breast, as he had wanted to do since he arrived, and lightly rubbed his thumb against her nipple. 

"Other things. I pick other things." Marian's voice was slightly hoarse when she spoke.

Cullen raised his head from where he had been lightly worrying the skin of Marian's neck and smiled down at her. "Good choice. That's my vote too."

This time he pressed his lips to hers and kissed her deeply as he prepared to show her just how much he had missed her while they had been separated. His hands stroked her gently as he worshiped at the altar of her body. If when they had come together earlier in the evening, it had been a taking; then this time, there was sharing as they reaffirmed the bond that connected them. There were soft touches, light kisses, and a gentle rhythm with quiet exclamations, and when Cullen finally came, it was with her name on his lips.

 

* * *

 

Cullen wasn't sure exactly what time it was, but he knew he had to return to the Gallows. Being safely within her own bed, Marian had fallen asleep curled against him. Cullen didn't dare allow himself that luxury. He hated to leave her though and spent a moment wishing that just once he could spend a whole night with Marian and wake with her at his side. He reluctantly released her and slid out of the bed. Cullen then leaned over and laid his lips lightly against her cheek. 

When she stirred, he spoke quietly. "I have to go."

She started to sit up, but he pushed gently against her shoulder. "Stay in bed tonight. I can see myself out."

Marian blinked at him sleepily before lying back against the mattress. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He leaned even closer to her and rested his forehead against hers before raising his hand to trace a finger along her cheek. "Be careful, Marian. I worry for you when I can't be with you." 

Cullen had often wanted to make her promise to abandon the dangerous things she did, to not help the mages in defiance of the knight-commander and to not take on all the troubles of Kirkwall. There were some wrongs that just couldn't be fixed no matter how hard she tried. But he would never do that, just as she had never asked him to choose between her and his order. Deep in Cullen's gut he knew the day was coming when he would have to make a choice between his duty to the templars and the woman he loved, but as long as he could keep the fragile balance he maintained between the two, he would. 

She grasped his finger within her hand, brought it to her lips, and placed a kiss against it. "I will. I promise."

A wistful smile crossed his face before he spoke again, "I love you, Marian Hawke. Never forget that."

"I love you too, Cullen." 

With a sigh, Cullen reluctantly straightened up. He paused a moment to look at Marian cuddled in the bed. She appeared so unguarded lying there, and Cullen knew he would carry this picture of her with him back to Templar Hall. Without another word, he turned and headed for the door so he could descend to the first floor and get dressed.

"Cullen?"

He paused in the doorway and turned back to Marian. "Yes?"

"Next time is your turn. You can be the one in charge, and I'll do what you want."

Cullen was quiet for a few moments as the implications of those words sank into his consciousness. It took a lot to shake his champion's confidence, but with Bethany dead in Lothering, Carver lost in the Deep Roads, and her mother murdered, Marian carried a load of guilt that he had spent years trying to get her to relinquish. She seemed to believe that each of their deaths could be laid at her door, and if she had only controlled the situations better than her family members wouldn't have died. Luckily, she hadn't lost any of her companions and friends yet, but Cullen truly feared for her if she did. Each time one of them was injured on one of their quests, Marian took it as a personal affront, an example of chaos creeping back into her life to steal away someone else she cared for. He had tried to make her understand that her friends freely _chose_ to accompany her fully knowing the risks, but Marian didn't see it that way. When one of them was seriously hurt, it sent her into such an agitated state that she needed to feel in complete control, and on those occasions he would submit to her willingly and for as long as she needed. She had never before offered to do the same for him.

"We'll see," he said with a smile, not wanting to hold her to anything she might change her mind on later. "But I appreciate the offer."

"I mean it."

As he searched her face, he saw the unease she felt at such an idea as well as her determination to follow through. "We'll talk about it later." 

Cullen moved almost soundlessly through the house as he retrieved his clothes and dressed. He made his way to the kitchen and slipped through the door into the side courtyard so he wouldn't be seen leaving the front of the house.

He was usually alert as he moved through Kirkwall as the streets could be dangerous after dark. Tonight, however, Cullen was distracted. Marian's words, and the images they invoked, kept him company all the way back to the Gallows.


End file.
